Let's do this while I am in a good mood. Actually, to be honest, I have been in a relatively good mood overall for quite some time now. Despite some setbacks, my life has been on somewhat of an incline, and that incline is going up of course...on some sort of conveyor belt. A conveyor belt with ribs and studs and other catchy items so that I may not slip backwards or float in one place. Sure I may have no idea where my life is headed at this point, other than enjoying a steady increase in confidence and self worth, but I now enjoy the luxury of just not caring!
It is not apathy, make no mistake.
I still care care, its just that...well, I don't care. Over these past few months my perception on life has growed and mutated into this sort of superbeast that I am sure will fight on my behalf. I have learned to take the pressure that was unapologetically pushing my face into the cold concrete of expectation and sort of...lift it off of my back. How I came about this would take pages upon pages to explain, and I still have this sort of quasi-cold that is making me rather lazy and devoid of thoughts that are truly deep (like the ocean). I don't even know if I'll feel like working out tomorrow.
But who cares about how I am feeling. The fact is that my perceptions are changing radically. And change can be good. In fact, it is usually good. Change for the most part is good because at this point in time the world is seemingly at a natural state of discord. So any change will be a probing of the defenses and eventually we may reach a theory on how to actually extinguish this discord and hammer out the kinks. Progress through trial and error among conflict. It is not so farfetched.
Another mistake not to make is that I am invincible from all misery and anxiousness. No, I am still figuring it all out. And my heart stays in that "I'm going to die" mode, you know, that mode. Where you get the amount of adrenaline you are only supposed to get when you are faced with a mortal threat. And it's been like that for so long, you see, when I am actually calm, genuinely calm, it is like I am having a very delicious cookie or something. There's pleasure in it. That is motivation in itself.
The monkey is happy. So happiness cannot be unattainable.
-The Piece
The monkey
