Ah Man, Torrente De La Cazana De Fruita De Hot

Yeah well you know. It's a dry heat.

Oblivion is in the bag. Yeah I just beat it. 200 hundred or so game hours later. Yeah I really do mean like, 200 thousand hours, with those two hundreds compounding each other by multiplicity or something. And I'm gonna play it more. Why am I even mentioning this? I don't know. It just seems like a life milestone or something you know man? You're born, you learn to walk, you learn to speak, you learn to read and write, you graduate elementary school, you graduate junior high (no scratch that, junior high sucks), you get your driver's license, you graduate high school, and then you beat mother fugging Oblivion, B! What is next? I don't know if I can top that. I just don't know. Maybe if I go back in time using only my mind...no wait, we already do that...according to some people. But maybe it is just complicated data retrieval. Don't take the magic out of life, sit! I meant to say shit, but sit came out, so thus it came to be. You know, I didn't really think while writing that paragraph, no this one, not that. This one that is still this paragraph. Jeez man. Look what happens when you make a mistake and don't bother to cover it up. Or many mistakes. I made alot of mistakes in this paragraph. There are syntactical mistakes, and conceptual mistakes, and grammar mistakes, and whatever else man. I don't care.

I'm scared of the world. Really, I don't want to go out there. Big business makes me sad. Money makes me sad. Cruelty makes me sad. Greed makes me kinda sad cause I've been kinda greedy before and it feels kinda good. But it is bad. It makes me sad. Exploitation makes me sad. Social expectations make me sad; some of these more specific and demanding expectations, Jesus, let them go. Aggressive malignant ignorance makes me sad. There's so much in this country right now. Power makes me sad. Oh there is so much that makes me sad. This stuff carries a weight of its own. Slows down the movements.

But then there are the things that make me happy. Maybe these things have enough bouyancy to counter this weight. Maybe it is enough for an equilibrium, and maybe it will wax and wane in either direction depending on the context and that is ok. You know, I like good movies. I like good music. I like good games. I like the underdog. I like friends. I like family. I like sunsets. I like good people. Good depends on who you are talking to, but when good is good, it works out. I like sweets, you know? And I like other shit. Maybe there is more to like than there is stuff that makes me sad, and that is important.

That is really important.

Let The Truth Be Revealed To Yee!

Now from this point in time, I would be happy to tell you that Etymology and solid proof are two very good things.

I was one of the many who bought into the whole F.U.C.K. and S.H.I.T. stories that were circulating the internet a few years ago. I mean, they sounded reasonable! Right? They started as acronyms and became curse words yes?

NO! They did not!

And heeeere is the truth! Just type in one of those words. They are both among my favorites. Ass is fun too. Oh and there's always Snopes. Just be sure to remember that Ganendorf killed Snopes.

But the change of the story does not change my point! The point remains! These words just happened to form out of incidents of usage and common language, and started to become offensive and taboo to the majority of society! So do not be afraid of what society calls taboo! Think for yourself!

But to remain a part of society we must obey society's rules of course. So what does this information do for you? Noooothing!

Well there is always the attempt to change society...slowly...and carefully...

This Is For You

Whoever You Are.

I Hear Things From There

Up in the ceiling, I hear things. Moans of the dead? Groans of the dying? Sad warbling words of those who will never be?

Or are they just motorcycle engines seeping in through the windows and drifting across the rafters, distorted by the bends and disruptions of physical continuity?

I may never know. Or I will know very soon. Or too late.

The sickening twist of heart and stomach soon follows.

Candy, and Candy, and More Candy!

I got alot of candy for Easter. You know, I feel kinda bad for riding this wave of materialism in exploiting Easter as a commercial holiday. But well, I'm still kind of agnostic. I mean, I just don't know. Like...I think that maybe...no. Religion is touchy. So touchy I'm not going to touch this with a forty foot pole. And well, I have been doing easter egg hunts for my entire life. I can't stop now! And candy is so great and beneficial to the taste buds!

Ah the jellybeans are so wonderfully fruity! And the peanut butter eggs just melt in your mouth! And whatever else is in there I'm not really sure; all i know is that I just eat them! I don't care!

So maybe great writing comes from a three dimensional understanding of the world that you have to live to acquire. But I haven't seen much! More than most, but not much! And maybe great writing comes from the incredible power and experience of love...but I do not know love! Romantic love, that is. Maybe I know others very well. And then maybe great writing comes from great sadness...a sadness that I may know, but have only touched on, as I have never lived in outright poverty or under the hand of an abusive tyrant, or I have never experienced the unreal loss of a lover or child. That sadness, ah, how deep it goes. That is a cold, cold iceberg that I know only the tip of. So what the hell do I write about? But there are these things in my head that beg for release...and I should let them out for fear of great stress...or worse! Great madness! I have seen the introductions and the thresholds of great madness, and it is that experience that drives me away from the darkest depths of that stuff.

Oh, what are these mysteries that elude us?

Years ago I was under the impression that I could get through life without coming into conflict with anyone. If I could keep to myself then maybe I could avoid confrontation all together! But it was doomed to fail because life which is so vivid and fantastic has a costly admission. Taking up space is the price you have to pay to walk in this place. I take up space, and therefore I will always be in someone's way. It is you or them. You must fight to survive! That is how organisms have survived in these hostile conditions for so long.

And what a perfect design all this matter follows.

Perfect is now. How incredible is it to be sitting here using your eyes and smelling and touching and hearing and tasting and breathing and thinking! It is inconceivable. And to think, you can lose your admission and never see this place again. That is what makes death so terrifying. And behold...the power is in our very hands to determine the admission of someone else! What an injustice. What if they don't deserve to be here anymore...but who can decide such a thing?

END!

Utility of Obscenity

Ow! FUCK!


See? Don't you feel much better now?



An evil emperor should say this someday: "I built this empire from scratch! And now I'm going to take it back down to..."

Ah, nevermind.

Extensions, images of a construction crane

I'm going to be in Las Vegas this weekend. Maybe I can engage in a little fear and loathing or something.

I've only been in there once as a child. The other times I have witnessed the architecture from afar behind a cool sheet of glass, moving. But I can't help but feel that I have been there many times before, doing many things. It has to be the imagination I suppose. That or I'm not who I say I am to myself. But that possibility is not a good one.

There are always cranes constructing in that place. Always cranes...extending and building and enhancing and whatever else they do; skeletal monsters doing just the opposite of what it is they should be doing. They look as if they should be destroying the place. On the contrary, they are building. Or is it destruction after all? Interesting.

They say the universe is expanding, which is hardly fair since we haven't really been out there yet. But maybe we have a long way to go. Maybe we will get out there and dominate...just like we have dominated this place. But will the universe expand at a greater rate than we can explore? Is that our infinity? If this universe is expanding is it finite? Where does it come from? Or could it just be that everything around us is just spreading out within the infinity? I think there was research showing the former though. Woah woah! Too many questions in too little time! But that is how it always is.

Maybe there is a little world of our own expanding in our heads. With our mythology and science fiction and tales. Maybe these people and creatures are living right now...kept alive by our collective consciousness. Maybe it's us! Shit!

Welcome to the Twilight Zone...but thanks, I'm gonna sleep on that one.

What was that, Shitbird?

Well I didn't know what else to call the post.

Just picture like some big guy in armor with a sword the size of a cruiseliner. And some little guy tells him that his Mom has a funny chin. And he says the "Shitbird" line in response to the little guy's comment. He is standing with his back to the little guy, because the little guy said it to him behind his back and he thought he was quiet enough about it. And the big guy turns around with a clink and a clank. Maaaan, I could only imagine what would happen next. That would be the scenario I would think of anyway. I couldn't even describe it without confusing myself. Too late to fix it now.

It has been raining off and on tonight. And we watched the original Fog. Which is funny. Well maybe rain and fog are two different weather conditions, but at the moment it seems more than appropriate. The movie is such an incredible showcase of atmosphere. And the remake? We try to pretend there isn't one.

School tomorrow. It has been a week. I am just getting used to this school-less schedule, and now it comes crashing down around me once again.

And there comes that morning drive. It is the time that everyone is emerging from the safety of their homes and going to work. Everyone is cold and reluctant and trying to peer through the sheets of moisture that cover all of the car windows. It is a moving community on those waking streets. We are united in our reluctant trips to where it is we must go. At the same time we are arch enemies. Everyone. Every man for himself. We are all fighting for first place in the race to get where we do not want to go. Another of those many paradoxes. But you stretch out the time scale a little bit, and realize it isn't such a paradox. It is our gain in fact, to be first in this race. At least, that is what we believe. Us humans aren't so confusing on a large-scale timeline.

And maybe some of us want to go where we are going. Maybe some of us want to go where we are going deep inside, but show just the opposite on the outside. And then the rest of us show that we want to go where we are going on the outside, but deep inside we cannot stand the thought of another day, another hour, another minute doing what it is we are doing.

And we all mix together and travel together, with only our hopes and beliefs to sustain us.

And what will happen when we run out of our hopes and beliefs?