Every morning around 5 am I wake up with that terrible sensation of having to go to the bathroom, but not wanting to get out of bed; what's more, I can hear the relentless scratching of rats above...in the attic. I just lay there, listening, horrified that one of them will eventually nibble through the ceiling and crumble through and land on my face.
Or maybe I will be laying there in the darkness, and I'll hear the pitter patter of one across the carpet. And the sound gets closer, closer, closer, until I can feel the sheets of my bed being pulled by the rat clawing his way to the top.
Maybe they are nibbling away at the infrastructure. At the electrical cords or the phone lines or the internet cables (though I doubt the latter two would be wired up there, but just pretend for suspense). Maybe they are planning on severing all communication and light, so that they can finally sack the house and live out their wildest ratty dreams.
Finally, I get up and go to the bathroom, and then try to go to sleep. I try to forget about the scratching above.
P.S. (While on the subject of critters)
What's worse than sharing the shower with a spider? (I don't have the heart to kill the suckers) How about sharing the shower with two spiders, both one on top of the other, in a clump, like they are having sex or something? I mean, what is weirder than spider sex? Honestly.
