Recent developments summarized right there. But it is cyclical.
The proceeds are a collection of thoughts and observations strung together today, with no concrete, logical connection or meaning. This is exactly how the day felt.
The sky mirrored my mood. It was flat, colorless, with the sun behind a cloud. Not quite overcast, and not quite sunny.
The morning was good. The day started off alright. There was a dense fog, and fog makes things beautiful. Whatever it shrouds, it shrouds in soft gray mystery. Even a car wreck could be made beautiful. The only thing there in the fog is the lights. The diffusing lights in the midst of great gray billows. And then a shape, and then you are gone, your life extinguished and whisked away like the surrounding fog blown back from the colliding metal.
There was a steel skeleton of a building being built in the distance, and the blueish construction lights glowed through the murk. Everything was easy on the eyes. Not easy on the wits, no, as shapes would come to meet you in short notice. Then the fog burned off, but the sun stayed subdued and so the day became ugly. It strangely accompanied the deterioration of my mood at the time, be it the catatonic gazes into nothing, thinking of something somewhere else, none of which I can clearly remember. There's black spots here and there. Not sure when, not sure how.
The Jesus Lizard would cackle into my ear. I would smile and nod. A strange apparition under the shadow of a blue hood.
Wraith, revenant, ghost, whatever. The chill reminded me that I was there. Time was passing so slow. Slow. Heavy.
I passed many people. Some of whom stole glances. Some of the glances in my imagination. I could not meet their eyes. This I say with a heavy sigh. The mutter deflates into a whisper.
I can remember gin. Warmth. Steel cords under my fingers. Noise. Dissonance.
Two students behind me talking: "Just a kick to the shin, and I could kill someone easily..." They proceeded to talk about ways to kill someone. I wanted to laugh out loud. Almost did.
In some cases I almost completely lack the faculty of vengeance.
The memory of the day is more like a memory of a dream than a memory of a conscious experience. What happened today? Where is this going?
