Sail With Farts

The ah, immaturity, it is a hard thing to argue, to grasp, because at its most attractive shade it is in a state of making fun of itself, and so the subtlety is not caught by the outside observer, a prude. A prude cannot grasp shades of humor. Shades of wine maybe, but not shades of humor, because of the rigidity of their lifestyle.

I wish my head was clear and I could actually write. The fog is coming in, captain. The fog. Drop the anchor, but the anchor is cut, the anchor is cut captain, we are undone. We are undone and I am sorry.

Sorrysorrysorrysorry sorry sorry sorry. Sorry is a funny word.

Gone

If words gathered contextual meaning specific to an individual's experience, taking their own shapes subjectively like stalactites forming from overhanging mineral drips, then a word for me that has already grown into quite the hanging monolith would be "gone", one of the worst words I can think of; maybe worse than "nothing", of which it implies. Because "nothing" signifies something that has always been there, while "gone" signifies "loss", another heavy-hanger.

And "work" is nothing but a deep nauseous boiling deep in the stomach, and a vague outrage at the shape that general life has taken over the course of human existence.

And maybe the apes had it right by that simple natural ignorance of which lower animals enjoy by default, without all those hanging, craggy words, growing heavier by the day. But maybe they have the memories and those other simpler impulses that may grow heavier in their own way, some of them caused by cages and smoking rifles: us. Maybe nothing has it that much better, maybe, and I don't even know where this is going anymore, except me beating a dead horse that I have beaten in the past.

But I would never beat a dead horse or an alive one in the first place. Goddamn these words and the numerous shades of meaning and this post.

Wake Up With Fear

Sometimes life is like a dish of food that you have to eat that really tastes like shit but there is nothing else available and so you have to just eat it and it sucks.

So that can be quoted. On Brainy Quotes or something. You know. Like...

-Daniel

I mean c'mon. I've seen shittier quotes than that on there. And my quote is fuckin' true.

You Were Always A Paranoid Bastard

"Ok but just assuming, just assuming this whole..."

"Uhuh...whole..."

"Hang on, well you know, how big this Facebook thing is getting. And with everybody on it and networked and these nodes become a thousand seeing eyes that mirror each other exponentially, you see?"

"I don't, but go on, I'm too drunk not to enjoy this."

"And, and I'm linked to this thing, linked as this...this...uh...personal electronic...inner thought geyser, as it were, and anybody out there whom I don't want to see my thoughts, yes, these thoughts are there before them in all their nakedness."

"Oh shit, the thought police."

"No exactly, seriously, the way this internet is expanding, to encompass all aspects of even inner social life...our selves are vanishing faster than we know it. My coworkers, my family, mere acquaintances or people I don't even know, zeroing in on me. And me, I'm giving off the stench of a dying animal, I'm just waiting for them to move in on it and finish me for good."

"You're full of shit. Who's this them?"

"I...ah..."

"You were always-"

"No, don't say it. Not now. You're worried too. I saw that squint. I know that squint."



But they both became silent, and each went to finish his drink, and with the sun already down, it was dark and cooling and they decided to call it a night.

Just Registered For School

Well. I'm all set to fuck.

Yarg Eeee

Last night the light caught on the inside of my glasses lens and I watched it and it became a brilliant star cluster that took the shape of a woman's face and she turned to look and her hair glided with her and I stared deeper into her face and could see long-buried memories that appeared like photos in the fire.

Soon after, with the room dark, I forgot completely where I was and sat up with a start and saw a great shape moving in the darkness which turned out to be the distorted shape of a pillow and a guitar stand.

The thoughts starting coming as through a tunnel and I walked down the tunnel to try to dig further back and saw the past far at the end. Now, walking on the rolling hills under the moon and stars my thoughts continued to reel with no control whatsoever.

The combination of sensations was frightening and joyful at the same time, and so cannot be explained in this current state of mind.

Ehyeah

My Laptop: One of the many portals to the fractured global consciousness.

The O.C.

Is not cracked up to be what they make it out to be.

Sometimes I wonder how nice it would be to crawl into the wall and become nonexistent painlessly.