I like the cold. I like the feel of it, the way noise is carried on it. And the way it smells. I like the bright blue cold sky, and the silver blue cold sky as the season grows colder. I like what happens to the trees, and the night seems more profound in the cold. I like cold weather clothes. I like being bundled up. It is for these reasons I like the Fall and Winter seasons.
I also grow more melancholy in the cold. More sullen. Eventually worse than just sullen, as it cools. I also write more, as if the thoughts themselves are choosing the indoors of the mind and sticking together in a smaller space so that I can retrieve them link by link, in cohesion.
Just yesterday there were several thoughts that were connected to actions and all these actions pointed in all different directions and they all mobilized at once and I became stuck.
And I just didn't know what to do with myself. Still don't.
Here's someone who I want to apologize to, but I shouldn't because I did nothing wrong. Here's someone who I should have visited in the hills near LA but I didn't. Here's something I should go do and here's another thing I should go do but I don't want to. Here's something that I should be doing right now and I'm not.
I put the phone down for a second thinking, "Oh it won't come", and then it came and I missed it.
And ah, it's all a load of crap.
