There are times of a sort of overdriven discharge, where the thoughts come one after another ceaselessly with no control like a flooded river gushing violently over its boundaries. Alarm sets in, the loss of control can be troubling when the thoughts are barbed, and I feel as the man who is lost and tumbling in a strong current and in that brief moment of clarity when his head breaches the surface and he is momentarily able to breathe he asks, "When will it end"? before being sucked right back under to pass further downstream. Unwanted thoughts, images, conceptions, they all drive this surge and push it with force and I am caught within and pulled apart and I wonder if permanent insanity is the perpetual tumble in this ceaseless surge, a surge that has broken free from something that was supposed to be securely dammed.
And I wonder if our dams can be broken. And they can. It happens. You can see those to whom it has happened. What does it look like on the outside? Babbling, or violent outbursts, or catatonia. Who could imagine what goes on in their heads when he himself is not insane? But can we approach it? Catch glimpses?
These are troubling moments. In certain intervals the episodes seem to intensify and get worse. A phase to pass, or perhaps ominous indicators of horrors to come. Hard to tell now. Not healthy to think about, surely.
