It seems I started drinking more after the Zoloft kicked in. And this reverses the effects. I was wasted all weekend, because I stayed at a house where the booze is plenty and there is a man that knows how to make great drinks. I drank for the sheer pleasure of sensations that a combination of flavors and good alcohol can generate. I then became drunk as a consequence. Being drunk was a side-effect from over-enjoying a good drink. That is how alcoholic drinks are meant to be consumed. Ideally.
I suppose in my stupor I wasn't hurt by the subtle hints of discomfort my family members sometimes show around me, like I usually am. I've come to terms with estrangement during this year. I'm becoming more and more eccentric as the months go on and strange situations pass. The word is out that I'm not entirely psychologically sound, and people are at an understandable loss when it comes to dealing with someone who might be becoming gradually more and more warped. "What is the boy thinking?", they must wonder. They aren't quite sure how to anticipate in social interaction. Worst of all, word is out that I am an atheist. In a fully Christian family, this becomes difficult. My grandparents seem to be the most dramatically affected. There was a visible change in their social interaction. At first sight, it broke my heart.
They are old-fashioned. They can't see how a person can sensibly believe that there is no god. I am okay with that. Christianity is all they know. And the problem with Christianity is that disagreement on fundamentals leads to the damning of the offender. It's not like we can do our own respective thing and continue on a normal familial relationship.
But I did say that the signs were subtle. They still try their best to act like they have always acted, and we can pretend that there is nothing there, nothing to be afraid of. People do remarkable things for the ones they love.
