I sat on the roof this evening with my brother and watched the sunset. I find sunsets more beautiful than fire. This is cliche, I know. Everyone loves sunsets. But I fancy that I love sunsets just a little more than everyone else (this is of course followed by a wink).
Sure fires are mesmerizing. They burn. They are passion, incredible physical violence, bursting with a thirst for life before they extinguish. They flicker, dance, and hiss.
But It is the complexity and subtlety of the sunset that I love...the spectrum of colors that show themselves. Sunsets tell a story before they depart quietly into the deep dark blue. They paint themselves on billowing clouds and express themselves in an unfolding symphony of color. They melt the horizon with their blazing oranges and then cool to their reds and purples. They leave that melancholy white afterglow that silhouettes the tremulant black shadows of treetops. There is a rise and fall. Every stage has its own elegance.
The climb to the roof was precarious, even more so after having a drink or two. When you are buzzed you do things for the sake of doing them. You say live first, think later. Death whispers but you ignore it. Obliteration seems forgiving at a time when it is hard to decide what to live for. This might be overly pessimistic though. There are many things to live for. It is hard to think objectively when you are buzzed. Your thoughts simply lurch forward as your body does when you move.
But this lurching motion can be beautiful in itself. My writing flows more free when it lurches, so does my guitar playing. Art begs the agent to simply give in to his or her impulses and lurch. Reach into the dark and simply be. I've jammed in the dark before and it has had favorable results. Think after the fact. Rationalize after things have happened. If you think while you move you forget how to move and you stumble. So I've found in experience.
I've wondered if we still aren't simply creatures of impulse with the added benefit of being able to rationalize our actions. But I think there's more to it than that.
I must confess I dislike my brother's girlfriend simply because she's dumb. This rends my heart because she's a human being and deserves a chance like everyone in this world. I do have a prejudice for the dumb. I can say I love sheep, but I can't seem to look past the dumb human. Maybe I hold a subconscious conviction that humans should know better than to be dumb, but this simply isn't the case, because many don't know better. They simply live. Forgive them for their dullness. I pride myself for my open mind but sometimes it quivers shut like some ocean floor shellfish. Forgive me for this.
Right, right, onward though.
