A good question to ask of those that are close is the following: do you love me, or do you just love that I love you? Of course, the latter indicates a weaker bond that is more likely to break under strain, raising questions of just how much energy you are willing to put into such a bond.
Of course there may be instances of asymmetry in which one loves another, and that other person merely loves the love that is coming from the other. Love isn't simply a warm gooey feeling, or that self-indulgent bliss which popular culture posits is the end all, be all for concepts of love. Love can be much more complicated. If one cares about another, and seeks to preserve another against the forces of disintegration, regardless of what the other feels for oneself, is that not love?
And then of course there is the question of what should be preserved and what should be let go, what should be loved, and what should one turn away from? And sometimes favoring what one loves means letting go of commitments to preserve that thing, as sometimes preserving something essentially destroys it.
